Posts Tagged ‘sacrifice’

Word count: 6,994.

I realize it’s only the 3rd day, but I can already feel little parts of my life tugging at me. It’s just little nudges here and there, but it’s actually more about my mind-set.

You see, I have a tendency that when I decide to do something, I don’t let anything stop me. The reverse is also true. If I don’t want to do something, nothing can get me to do it. Even if I know I should. That makes it worse and makes me even more stubborn. Yeah, I know I should exercise an extra day, but if I don’t want to, the more someone points it out to me, the further I dig my heels in.

I like to think of it as part of my charm but I am sure there are a few people around here that would tell you it’s not so charming.

I am trying to stay ahead of the word count so I can take a day off this weekend. I’m going up to my Mom’s for her 82nd birthday. I haven’t seen my family in a couple of months and I am looking forward to it. I actually am but I know that it will take a lot of effort on my part not to have my mind on my writing.

I will have to learn to play nice with the other kids. This will be good for me. This will help me to get out of my writing planet and walk around with non-writers. I won’t have internet access there and I keep telling myself that it is good. I will be fine. The planets will not collide if I’m not online for a day. I can do this. I know I can.

Then why do I already feel pangs of anxiety starting to run through my body?

In a very strange way, I am glad I’m not dating anyone right now because, well, you know how distracting that can be. For hours and days and weekends. Just…too…distracting…

Where was I? Oh yeah,  I was talking about putting writing ahead of people. I may not have the answer for that but I can attest to the fact that anytime you sacrifice who you are for someone else, you might as well just call the funeral director for the burial because you’ve just committed suicide. It might take a while for you to die, but eventually you will. If not physically, you will suffer a slow and painful death spiritually.

So,  is my writing more important than the people I know? Yes and no. It’s a matter of being true to yourself and keeping the agreements you make with YOURSELF. Yeah, you. You’re the one that said you would do this crazy contest. You’re the one that said you were a writer and then started to write. You’re the one, just like me, who has no idea how to do it all.

When I see my unanswered emails sitting there and looking lonely or it takes me hours to return a text message because I’m writing or I find that I don’t really want to go out for coffee or dinner as I would rather write, then yes, my writing is more important than anything else.

I think it’s OK to be this way for a very short period of time. I’m the only writer I know so no one really knows how hard I work at this or how much time I put into it. It seems to be never-ending.

Books and stories and poems and songs don’t get written by themselves. Everything you read, someone sat down and took the time and energy to write it and I am sure it was hard to do. I KNOW it was hard to do.

So you tell me. How do you do it? How important is your writing to you? What do you sacrifice, if anything, in order to write?