Every so often, someone will ask me a question as if I should have given that particular topic much thought and consideration.
For example, after breaking up with someone after eight months, some of the things my girlfriends and family have said:
1) Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else.
2) It wasn’t meant to be and now you’ve opened the door for the right guy to walk into.
3) I’m so sorry! You poor thing. How are you doing? I mean really, are you OK?
4) You broke up with him, right? Not the other way around?
5) Have you heard back from him?
6) He’s an idiot to have let you go. (This is true)
7) Every pot has its cover.
Etc, etc, etc. I think you get my point.
Well, I would like to take this opportunity to respond to the above. It’s my blog, so I get to do what I want to do.
“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else,” this assumes that I am looking for someone. I’m not. Yes, it would be great and who doesn’t want a wonderful, successful and loving relationship? Most of us do but I have to be honest, and this might sound a bit bitter, but the fact of the matter is, I don’t know many people who have this. That said, I do know people that do, so it seems to be a bit of a gamble. At least from my viewpoint it does.
I can’t honestly say that I look to someone else for my happiness. I’m not broken, so I don’t feel like I need to be fixed. I would want someone that contributes to who I am and I can do the same for them.
“It was meant to be…” Well, I’m not a big believer in fate. I think you make the life you want and in the end, you have to account for your choices. Whether they were correct choices or not, you did it. Is there someone out there, wandering around and looking for me? I seriously doubt it as I am not doing the same.
“I’m sorry. You poor thing,” just gets me riled! Sympathy? Nah, I don’t think so. Now this comment always comes from someone who is married or in a long-term relationship. For some odd reason, being single again annoys these women. I’m not sure why it is, but it’s as if some primal instinct takes over as if I am going to suddenly go after what they have. Or maybe there’s a bit a envy in their tone but you would have thought that I told them I was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. As if not having someone in my life is now a death sentence and they are going to send flowers.
I never get this comment from single women. I usually will get strong interest on all the gory details – I’m the same way myself – and then a high 5. Us single women seem to have a special bond and understanding. Even if we don’t particularly like each other, there is an unspoken agreement that it’s OK to be single and be happy. We can be quite arrogant on this point, by the way.
“You broke up with him, right?” Yes I did. I didn’t want to but there was no choice. Well, OK, yes there was a choice. Either hang in there longer and hope he ends up loving me or…yeah, you got it. Walk. If someone doesn’t love me, then they don’t and there’s nothing I can do about it. Nor would I try. So yes, it was a no-brainer for me. I have to say in all fairness, he’s a great guy. That was the hard part for me. It’s so much easier when people are mean or unkind to break-up with them. It’s much harder when you can see the potential and they can’t. That sucks big time.
“Have you heard back from him?” Well, no, the funeral was over a month ago. Leave the dead alone. Once something is buried, it’s not a good idea to dig it up again. It’s just not right.
“He’s an idiot…” Yes, true. Nuff said….
“Every pot has its cover.” Not true and if you looked at what was in my kitchen shelves, you would understand. I have pots and pans that haven’t had a cover since I can remember. In fact, most of my pots and pans are over 30 years old. Buying these things is just not something I do. I’m single so I manage as best as possible. If I have extra cash on hand, I am NOT going to spend it on pots and pans. I’m going to spend it on something much more important like another purse or shoes. These are the things that are important and not what I cook with.
So, here I am, 56 in a few days and single again. Does it bother me? Yes it does. It surely does. But I’ve decided to not worry about it, carry on with my career and family and friends and my writing. I’ve decided that I’m better off alone (again) then with someone who doesn’t “get me” and probably never will.
In the meantime, I have eaten an enormous amount of ice cream and had more than my share of wine, but that’s the way it goes.
idisagreecompletely 