Unfortunately over the last couple of decades, I’ve had to distance myself from feminism. Not from the concept or actions; it will always be an intricate part of who I am and what I believe.
I’ve had to distance myself from the word. It has turned into something to fear or ridicule. It has become something of a joke to most people and for others, a sad reminder of what it used to be.
That makes me sad and angry.
I now find myself making a disclaimer before I dare to utter the word. When I use the word, I now define it as the true and original definition of the word:
Equality for all, regardless of gender.
Being allowed to make the choices you want for men and women.
More freedom and less barriers for what you want for you and your life.
Diversity and inclusion; not exclusion.
Full equal and human rights for all and not just a select few.
But even with my disclaimer, as soon as the word is mentioned, I see people “check out” and leave the conversation. They don’t usually walk away. They stay, but their thoughts are elsewhere while they stand there, trying to figure out how to get out of the conversation.
I don’t blame them. What I’ve seen of what has become of the women’s movement over the years, I also flinch when I hear the word.
When did feminism become victimhood? When did that happen? When did we stop flexing our mental and emotional muscle and start running around with vaginas on our heads? When did we decide that words hurt and were therefore to be censored?
Words don’t hurt. Fists hurt. Bullets hurt. Car accidents hurt.
When did being triggered become everyone else’s reasonability but your own? Who do you think creates your emotions and responses?
The You do. I do. Each individual does.
When Charles Barkley said “I don’t hit women but if I did I would hit you,” it wasn’t a threat. If he had said that to me, my response would not have been to go on social media and whine.
My response would have been (and has been in the past), “Oh really? OK, then take your best shot, but you better make it good because if I get up, your mine.”
I have been assaulted and threatened and scared by men more times than I can count. Many of us have and the important thing at that time is to do your best to keep yourself safe and get away.
But some guy making an off-hand comment?
Pffft…put THAT bitch back in his place. Don’t let it define you. Don’t play the victim card. Play the card of being a strong, intelligent woman who is higher up the food chain than he is.
Be the cause of his stupidity, not the victim.
I personally have no problem with Charles Barkley. I barely know who he is, but I did read up on him after the Twitter storm over his comments.
I found much of what he said funny, but even if I hadn’t, who cares? He’s just a former athlete that says shit.
Why would I give a comment such importance and power in my life? That’s not what feminism is about, at least not to me.
It’s about respecting yourself so much, it overflows to those around you. It’s being able to set a good example for yourself and to respect yourself enough, that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says. You KNOW your worth and no one can take it away from you.
I want to be heard. We all want to be heard, but it’s not going to happen if you lose your shit everytime someone disagrees with you or expresses an opinion you don’t agree with.
Photo by Elyssa Fahndrich on Unsplash
I would never walk around with a vagina hat on my head and expect to be taken seriously. Who does that?
I’m all for people expressing themselves, but don’t count me in as a supporter of anything that makes women or men look stupid.
You want to be heard? To be taken seriously?
Then treat the people you are talking to as important.
Don’t take the bait.
Keep repeating your message, over and over, calmly and with conviction and self-respect.
Look at all the great leaders of recent history. Study how they spoke, how they continued to repeat the message over and over and held their head high.
People will only listen if you not only resonate with them, but if they are heard.
Feminism is a piece of the subject of Human Rights.
Let’s not devalue its importance by running around with our genitals on our head and screaming at anyone within earshot.
We’re better than that. So much better.
Please start acting like it.
idisagreecompletely 
For once I do disagree with you about something. Not much, but some.
Words do hurt. They hurt the soul and emotions. Of all people, you should know that. They’re slippery little things that slide into the cracks of our armor and wound grievously. They can be so deadly. They can scar permanently.
Maybe we ‘shouldn’t’ allow words to hurt us, but. like the armor of a dragon, there will always be that one small flaw in the armor plating, and I can guarantee you that somebody will find that one spot and exploit it. Furthermore, once they find it, no matter how hard you try to patch the hole, they’ll come right back to it and hit it again and again and again. If this sounds like the voice of experience, you are so right.
I didn’t go with feminism the first go around because I didn’t truly understand it. I guess it takes age and wisdom to get there. I don’t particularly ‘like’ most women. I find them vapid and shallow in my Southern culture. That drives me nutty. If you’re not going to use the brains God gave you, just go away. I call them ‘fluff bunnies’.
I’ll straighten out any person who balks about women’s rights in a heartbeat. A woman can accomplish two things that a man cannot; get pregnant and nourish that child. A man can do one thing that a woman cannot: sire a child. After that, it is a matter of brains and brawn. If you don’t have one, you use the other to get the work done. Any questions? They usually get the message very quickly.
All of this is not about putting women ABOVE men, but about LEVELING the playing field. When the men quit protecting their junk and start playing fairly with us, we will have a better society.
Your point is well taken. I mean after all look at the name of this blog right? Haha! I think the main thing is to not take words too seriously even though yes, they do hurt and I absolutely can see that point. It’s more along the lines of having that feeling that everything has to be censored and everyone must agree with us or whatever your point of view may be.