“But I AM entitled!”

Posted: May 2, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you just…lost it?

I don’t mean in a bad way, such as physically harming someone or being cruel.

I mean what would happen if you just looked people in the eye and told them EXACTLY how you felt and what you thought?

Pure and complete honesty without any concern for the fallout.

Well, I tried that experiment recently and it was liberating.

There is a bit of a back story (of course) that lead up to this.

It all began with getting a phone call from a friend who had, once again, gotten into a fight with her boyfriend. They have been going at it for as long as I can remember. Each time she would call, I would listen patiently and tenderly. “She’s my friend and I’m always there for my friends” is my train of thought.

“Well, come over here if you want,” I said one day. I have said this a few times before.

“No I can’t because of blah blah blah….”

“OK then. How about we go out to dinner…?”

“No, because of blah blah blah…”

“Where is he now?” I asked. He had quite a temper but had never hit her. He yells and throws things around. She yells back, runs out of the house, calls me and/or her mom, goes back to him, etc.

I realized that no matter what solution I came up with, she would reject it.

The light bulb went on.

She likes this problem.

“He’s in the living room, watching TV. He’s being such a dick tonight…”

“That’s because you let him,” I said. Enough was enough.

“WHAT?” she said. “What do you mean I let him?”

I had just finished a 7-day work week along with 15 hours of volunteer work. I had also worked with 25 inmates, listened and counselled them and did the best I could. I had dealt with a difficult client, been slammed by a few sales prospects here and there for good measure and had received some bad news about the health of a friend.

Not once, during the week or for months prior to that, did I ever raise my voice.

I never once remained anything other than professional and interested.

Never once did I complain even though I was dead tired and wanted to cry at night when I still had to write in order to hit a deadline.

Have you ever tried to write when your brain was mush? If not, you haven’t lived until you’ve done so.

I dealt with the trolls as best as possible online when I would get slammed for posting something positive or blogged something that I thought was great. What the hell was I thinking?

I looked at the phone in my hand and thought for a moment.

“You let him because….I don’t know why and I don’t care anymore! Do I LOOK like your whipping post? No? Didn’t think so…”

“Whoa Suz, are you OK?” she asked.

“I’m fine, but you know what?”

“What?” she asked very quietly.

“I AM entitled to a bad day! I God damn DESERVE A BAD DAY!” I said.

God that felt good. So good.

“I am sick and tired of remaining cool, calm and collected and dealing with crap, but you know why I do?”

Silence.

“I can’t HEAR you if you are shaking your head!” I said.

“No! No, I don’t know why,” she said rather quickly.

“Because I don’t run my life thinking I am ENTITLED to not pay my bills or not fulfill my responsibilities. It has never entered my mind that I am ENTITLED to break my word or not be there for someone. I am NOT ENTITLED to rip people off or do a lousy job.”

“No, of course not…”

“Stop talking. For once in your life, just shut-up,” I said.

“OK,” she said.

“From now on, you are going to start acting like an adult. I don’t give a rats ass if you two yell and scream at each other. It is no longer my problem. You need to start being accountable for your relationships and not me,” I said.

Silence again.

“I love you but I’m hanging-up and I don’t want to hear anymore of your whining. Buck-up, buttercup and start acting like an adult,” I said and hung-up.

Her complaining to me stopped. Life was better again. She likes the drama so she can keep it to herself. She later thanked me for being so…blunt.

I didn’t do it for her.

I did it for me.

Finally.

You ARE entitled to your emotions and if someone doesn’t like them, so what?

Who died and left them in charge of you?

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Comments
  1. Pashta says:

    I do that every day. I’m not mean, but I am perfectly honest and blunt. I sleep well every night and have a clean conscience.

  2. In family dynamics, that gets more complicated. Especially when the “guilt dump truck” show up! OMG folks! Can you say 40 years worth? I can.