idisagreecompletely

Happy Birthday bro.

Yeah, it’s been a while since you left, but it feels like yesterday.

I thought long and hard about writing anything. You know me; I don’t think every thought needs to be expressed. Every part of my life does not have to be known to anyone but myself.

But as time has gone by and the internet arrived, I wanted to make sure you were a part of it.

Even if it’s just a small part of it, that’s OK.

The space you occupy in my heart and soul is as large and tender as it could be.

This way, no matter what happens to me or where I go or even after I die, you will not be forgotten. Long after I’m gone, someone will stumble upon this post and they will see you and for that moment, you will be known.

The year is ending and a new one is beginning. This year has been so-so for me but I am hopeful for the new one.

Mom and the rest of us are fine. Dad has been gone for a few years now and we miss him also.

Every morning I see your picture and it makes me smile.

You made my life so much better. You were an amazing older brother.

I still remember how to spit, just like you taught me.

I can still jump from trees and tackle people. I just don’t have you to catch me.

I still can’t hold my liquor, no matter how many times you showed me how to do shots.

I got over my fear of motorcycles, no thanks to you. I still haven’t forgiven you for scaring the crap out of me on your Harley. Yes, I know you still think it’s funny and I can hear your laughter even now.

Shut-up.

I remember how every Christmas morning, you made sure you got to see everything I got. I think you were always more excited than me. You would wait to open your presents until I was done with mine.

There are still men walking around today who are still afraid of you because of the way you talked to them when they came to pick me up for a date.

I forgive you for that. It only took a few years before I understood why you were so harsh with them. It worked. They never came back.

I dodged a bullet with each one.

Thank you.

Thank you for always coming into my bedroom when I was sick to make sure Mom was doing a good job of taking care of me. Thank you for the crayons, books, ice cream and for reading to me when I was too sick to read for myself.

Thank you for showing me what bravery is. You know what I’m talking about. The time when you finally took your t-shirt off to swim and the world could see what had happened to you. You kept your head up and never said an unkind word to the kids that made fun of you.

I did end up dunking Timmie in the pool and almost drowned him for being mean to you. I got kicked out for a week, but it was worth it. I knew exactly what I was doing and did it long enough to scare him. He never made fun of anyone again. What an asshole he was. He had it coming.

There are so many good and wonderful memories of you, me and everyone. That’s why I know you are still here because life really never ends. It just takes on different forms.

I am glad I could be there and hold you when you left. It was just so appropriate for everything we had been through together. It was fitting and my honor.

I love you and miss you, but know you are well and I will see you when it’s my time to go.

I expect another round of video games, doing shots, eating ribs and laughing so hard that I can’t breathe.

Until then, stop scaring the women on the back of your Harley and continue to scare the men who want to date them.