“If you touch me again, I’ll kill you.”

Posted: October 25, 2012 in Uncategorized
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“If you touch me again, I’ll kill you,” were her thoughts as she pressed herself against the wall. She hadn’t moved from that spot since being thrown against it the last time and slid down. He was sitting on the bed, facing her but looking down at the floor. Catching his breath for the next go round. She couldn’t get to the door without going past him. She didn’t know if she could stand-up. As hard as she tried to melt into the wall, it was of no use.

She didn’t know how she had gotten herself into so much trouble. It had started so innocently enough.

She was working a summer job at a department store. She had graduated a month before and her parents insisted she work, which she loved to do. She liked having her own money and felt she was learning responsibility and almost felt like an adult. She had decided not to go to summer school. Right after graduation, everyone had disappeared for the summer. She didn’t know if she would ever see any of them again, so was thrilled when she saw Peggy walk into her department.

She and Peggy had met in PE three years earlier. They had a few classes together and over time had developed a close, tight-knit circle with others. Somehow they helped each other survive High School.

“Is that you Peggy?” she asked as she walked up to her.

Peggy turned around and smiled. “Yes! Is that you Sheila?” she asked as they embraced.

After talking for a few minutes, Peggy invited her over to her new apartment that night. Sheila jumped at the chance and could hardly wait for her shift to be over. Seeing Peggy again reminded her how much she had missed all her friends. The summer was almost half over. It had been boring but was now looking like she might actually have some fun.

Peggy lived in a bad neighborhood but Sheila didn’t care. Peggy was on her own, had her own apartment and seemed to be doing what she wanted. Sheila had often imagined what it would be like to live on her own when she moved out of her parents house.

Peggy answered the door and the smell of marijuana hit Sheila immediately. She had never done drugs but knew Peggy did. She often wondered if she had been raised as Peggy had if she would use them. Sheila came from a stable and loving home. Peggy did not. She had been in and out of Juvenile Hall and never knew where her parents were.

There were several people already there. Sheila didn’t realize it would be a party and immediately worried that she wasn’t dressed properly. She smoothed down her hair and stepped inside. There were several men standing around. She and Peggy were the only women.

That was the exact moment Sheila knew something was wrong.

She smiled and talked with the men she met. She did not like the way they looked at her or the things that they said. She saw Peggy sitting on the couch with two of them, kissing both of them.

Sheila wanted to leave but didn’t want to be rude.

As the evening wore on and the drinking increased, Peggy went into one of the bedrooms with a man. Sheila picked-up her purse and started to leave. As she opened the door, someone behind her slammed it closed. She heard him whisper in her ear “You’re not leaving. The party has just begun.” He spun her around and pushed her against the door. He started kissing her. She pushed him away. He pushed her back and then slapped her across the face. She started crying and he slapped her again. Suddenly he was dragging her into a bedroom. He threw her down on the bed.

Now pressing herself against the wall. she didn’t know all that had happened but she knew she was still a virgin. He had not taken that away from her. He was stoned and drunk which gave her the advantage when she fought back. He was much bigger than her but clumsy. Whenever she pushed him off of her, he would fall over but every time she got up and tried to run, he grabbed her and threw her down again.

He kicked her a few times in the small of her back.

She was tossed around, thrown against the wall so many times that she couldn’t count the times anymore. Every time she was thrown, her head slammed against it and she would crumble. When he was done, he would sit on the bed and mutter. She learned that if she kept very still, he would forget she was there. When she moved, he would do it again.

Finally he slumped down on the bed. She waited. When she heard him snoring, she quietly got her purse and started to crawl to the door. Her voice was gone from her screaming. No one came to help her. She could hear them in the living room and she knew they could hear her, but no one came.

The apartment had finally gotten quiet. She got to the door and opened it. She could taste the blood in her mouth. Her ribs were hurting and she had a horrible headache, but she was alive and she was moving. Her back felt bruised and sore.

Suddenly he was behind her and kicked the door closed. She rolled over onto her back and looked up. He was still muttering.

She had a perfect shot and took it. She was still wearing her steel toed hiking boots. She raised her right leg and kicked him as hard as she could between his legs. He screamed, grabbed his crotch and fell. As she scrambled out of the room she could still hear his screams of agony. She ran to the front door, opened and ran down the stairs. She never looked to see if anyone was in the living room.

She got into her car and sped away. She couldn’t think. She didn’t know where she was going. After ten minutes of driving though the neighborhood, she pulled over. She opened the driver’s door, leaned over and thew up. She looked at the clock.

She had been in that room for over four hours.

It was late when she got home. Her Dad was still up and waiting for her. Even though she was 18, she was still his child. He saw her and jumped up. She collapsed on the couch and started crying. He said nothing and just held her.

She went to the doctor’s the next day and her parents made her tell her what had happened. Soon her older brother’s heard the story. An eerie silence fell over the household for the day but she saw quiet glances between her Dad and brothers. She would be fine and only had a slight concussion and 2 cracked ribs. Her Mom made her rest on the couch and bought every kind of ice cream she could find. Sheila was grateful to be alive. It was the first time anyone had ever laid a hand on her.

Two days letter, Peggy called, hysterical. She didn’t remember the evening and hadn’t known anything had happened to Sheila but her friend was missing.

The man who had hurt Sheila had gone missing.

Sheila hung-up the phone and knew to never ask her Dad or brothers about it.

She didn’t want to know. She remembered one of her older brothers telling her she didn’t need to file a police report. This surprised her but she didn’t ask any questions. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about what had happened.

She knew there was at least one bad man in the world and that she was surrounded by many good men.

No one could ever beat that out of her.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yay, Let’s justify murder.

  2. Very moving story, my dear Susan. This story read like the story of my abuser and he, except that he was a drunk and there weren’t others in the house, yet neighbors saw me with patches of hair missing and eyes swollen shut and did nothing. Thank you for telling her story. I hope that she is doing well these days.

    • Susan Lewis says:

      Thank you my dear Paulissa.

      She is fine. Still has some minor back problems but lucky to have survived.

      Amazing how some people will look away. Not me!

  3. singlewhitefemaledating says:

    Let’s face it – there is never justice when people violate others, because the damage is done and can never be undone!! Nicely written story as usual Susan 😀